Adios Mama Bear

This 26th Feb, 2025, mom breathed her last. And breathing is all that was not working out for her, in past few months. Everything else seemed to be in ship shape - heart, kidneys, liver and above all, her spirit. Her gutsy spirit never wavered. Not until her last minute. Mom will be remembered in many different ways by different people she touched in her life. For her brothers, sisters, in-laws and larger family, she was a bright, benign and social creature who was empathetic to everyone in family. Regardless of distance and degree of separation in lineage, she warmed up to everyone who was good natured in family. For those who played shrewd with her, they got it rough from her and probably never recovered. She could be tough if she wanted to, but in general she gave a long rope to family unless they ran out of length and couldn't help themselves get entangled in it.

To me and my sister, she was a doting mother and a strict disciplinarian. She taught us to believe in ourselves and work hard. She made us tough from the start but carefully shielded us from patriarchal society we were growing up in. In fact the word patriarchy meant very little to us, until very late in life when we saw what many girls in U.P. (state where my roots are) are subjected to. Instead, we both grew up boisterous, ambitious, without taking crap from anybody. Mom made sure we both learnt to drive, learnt to do all office/bank work ourselves, knew how to shop and lug the shopping bags home on bicycle. Most importantly, she believed in her children. She trusted us and always kept an open conversation with us, even on difficult topics. When people say parents live through you, I guess this is what they mean. Our total being is mom's gift. She shaped us to be who we are today - Good, Bad, Ugly, all of it.

An interesting and little known trait of hers, was to learn at home from each other. She wasn't educated in English medium, and so, her English vocabulary was limited. Dad, on the other hand was English educated, and a voracious reader with ample usage of English thrown in at home. So mom would openly ask from him, meaning of a certain complex word and he would happily translate and use it in a sentence. She maintained that there's no shame in asking at home and knowing, rather than making an ass of oneself at public.
I rarely find people who can humbly do that in everyday life.

She was deeply religious and pious in her daily life. Right from childhood, she had a penchant for Ramayan. And over the years, she learnt it by heart. She could recite every doha, chaupai from any part of Tulasi Ramachartimanas verbatim and explain it neatly with context, meaning and connotation. She loved to play Dholak and was very good with it. She was always in demand at colony keertans for her Dholak. A trait I tried learning with all my might, all my life, but never succeeded even 10%. That's my lifetime regret.

She was an excellent housekeeper and a superlative cook. Our home was not wealthy, but was always neat and orderly and always open to visitors. Her hand made artefacts lined up our shelves and walls and we took her fine handicraft work for granted. Fresh tasty food and home made snacks were always there for guests.

She was a softie when it came to little children. And so, every little squealing baby was welcome in her arms. So, when we started adoption journey for my daughter, she was jumping with more joy than I and Ateesh. And she flew all the way to Ranchi with us to hold the little bundle of joy through her maiden flight to home. Then she made sure she was present outside labour room and then quickly holding the twin bundles of joy my sister delivered soon after. She was happiest being Naani, even at the risk of disciplining her own children (read me and my sis) till her last breath.

She was choosy about her friends. Didn't like to mingle with everyone, and especially avoided popular gossip gangs of colony. That made her appear snooty to some. But the ones she chose to make friends with, stayed in her heart and were friends for life. She would give anything for them.

Her last few years were tough on her health as she survived a Pontine Hemorrhage, recovering considerably through sheer willpower and hard work with physios. But slowly over the last few months, her lungs worsened and she finally lost the battle of life on the midnight of 25th Feb, 2025, with all her family around her, just as she would have liked it.